I am freaking freezing!!! It tis cold out! I hate that transition into cold and it’s really cold inside because the heat has not been turned on inside yet. Ya. That sucks. So I am wearing a sweatsuit to keep warm whilst I try and study and work hard and get lots done before montreal ON WEDNESDAY MORNING! I am also trying to get rid of this (other kind of) cold that I feel is rising out of my throat and into my nose and head. Go away sickness, I want health! Anyways what I am doing right now is called procrastination. It neither feels good nor helps anything. I have so much shit on my plate that most of it will rot before I get too it. Step 1: Make some presentation notes on qualitative research. Step 2: Start reading The Coral Island Step 3: Look at to do list and try and pack/DO LAUNDRY! I think that steps 2 and 3 should be switched and step 3 can be used as a break from work. bah! go to go to go to
I remember when I first started working at the law firm a year ago I proclaimed that I finally understood the true meaning of TGIF. I finally understood the feeling that fridays meant that at 5 p.m. that there was absolutely nothing that had to be done Monday morning. What a liberating feeling that was. Unfortunately, now my fridays just feel different; lacking that liberating feeling. That, although it’s the weekend, it will be filled with reading and assignments galore! It’s just not the same. And although today felt like Saturday, it felt like a different kind of Saturday. A kind of saturday that I have not felt for a year and a half; since I graduated from my undergrad at McGill. I guess I just have to get used to it. Just like I have to get used to staying in with the cat on Saturday nights.
So yesterday was a coffee-fuel disaster (just about). Rad and I had the dinner of kings; 4 veggie burgers, a large fries, and a chocolate shake please. Then we lay in bed, stared into each other’s eyes and listened to the new Amy Millan album, which is totally amazing! By 9 p.m. we were exhausted and about to go to my brother’s hockey game. So we got the most amazing coffee ever. A shot of espresso in a large cup of dark roast. OMG well that sure did the trick – at 10 p.m.! So we get home and my dad suggest ordering pizza, tomato and feta…mmmm (okay so yesterday was totally the day of indulgences!! ) and Rad, Annika, my bro and I watched 20/20, eat pizza and drank beer. By the time we were getting ready for bed, I was no where near “ready for bed!” I was wide awake! Needless to say we watched tv at 2 a.m. and then didn’t go to sleep until 3:30. I woke up with a sore throat (rad’s been sick for a while – lots of coughs).But I took (am taking) cold fx and am feeling better. Gonna try and get a good night’s rest tonight as well. I will probably wake up diagonal across the bed again – happens every time I sleep alone. lol.
I am entranced in an episode of CSI right now. Damn show! Always sucks me in! I was planning on catching up on last week’s Melrose Place! sigh……
OH! BY THE WAY!
1)Happy Birthday to my dearest mommie.
2) CONGRATULATIONS! To r.a.d. for getting a new job! Proud of you baby! You and me are onto good things baby! xoxo
or correction, new friend. my first grad school buddy! Kristi. Our parents go way back! So that is totally awesome. My mum took us out for lunch today to the Faculty Club! My mum brought pics of Kristi’s parents and her when they were younger. Hilarious. Anyways, I think that we are going to be good friends. Good to have someone else who is going through the same thing as me, so we can talk, bitch, etc. about grad school and the stupid overworked university in general. Because, “god” knows that I have a lot to bitch about, huh mouse?! I’m not even going to get into the latest instances of my abuse from people at the university. They are just not worth my words, time, space or emotions anymore. Okay, I get it! You hate me, I know. It’s clear. Here’s another dangling grammatical mistake for you to hate me for some more! Come on! Let’s have it (no, not really. I’m so sensitive). This is going to be a long, hard year baby. Welcome to the real world. Really?! Does the “real world” really have to be like this? Can’t I just surround myself with positive people? I don’t put up with bulshit and abuse. I try to escape it as much as possible. Can’t we all learn to get along. I am fucking staying away from you as much as possible that is for sure.
LOL HOW DID THIS POST TURN FROM ME AND MY HAPPINESS ABOUT A NEW FRIEND TO HOW MUCH I HATE THE UNIVERSITY AND IT’S HORRIBLE OVERWORKED PEOPLE WHO ARE MEAN TO ME?
a bit of a frustrating day, but seriously when hasn’t it been in the last little while? wasted my day with this travel grant application. stupid things like printer ink, and pdfs, and printing at the university is a nightmare/impossible! bah! Anyways, a little bit behind the work schedule today to say the least, but on top of that I am having trouble concentrating. Even this 18th century porn (seriously!) can’t keep my concentration! I am very excited about Montreal though! I heard from Pop Montreal today and everything’s pretty much all worked out! The piece that I am presenting, aka the dvd, will be part of an ongoing installation at the Pop Montreal Symposium! Yay! Also they want me to put on a name tag and walk around and look important and answer questions about it if anyone asks on Oct 1st aka the same night that Buffy Saint-Marie will be giving a talk! I hope she views my part of the installation!! I think Montreal is going to be very good for my sanity! I can;t wait!! Only 6 mo’ sleeps!
oh! guys we have to do this!!! It seems like so much fun! Even idiots like us can burn music cds! And it’s an excuse to have a party to learn how! yay!!
YES!!! Printer works again!!! Yayayaya! All it takes is a usb cord that doesn’t draw too much power or isn’t chewed to bits by mouse! Yes!! This is me trying to work while my house is being taken apart under my feet! Today has been pretty chill. Getting my work down, but…..I should be working harder….sigh sigh sigh. I got to get rid of these lazy bones! Watched the first Harry Potter last night. That kid was so much cuter when he was younger. It was good but we were falling asleep by the end. Anyways, time to be more productive than this. I gotta drop my mum off at the Uni, pick up my leaf for my new awesome kitchen table from the antique store, pick up a book at the book store, drive back home and then come back to the university an hour later…hmm that doesnt make much sense does it? Well those stores both close before I need to be…..bah why am i even explaining this…. ha ha
Hiding out in my bed. My stomach doesn’t feel very good. I don’t feel great either. School has really got me down. I have never had to work this hard before and I still have no idea what I am doing. Apparently this is also evident to certain other people as well as I received a lovely email from a certain person of authority ripping me apart and informing me that I can no longer write “poorly” since I am now a grad student. Thanks for the grammatical feedback, I do appreciate it but perhaps next time you could deliver in a more construct format instead of in an authoritative, bitchy, belittling, and self-confidence destroying fashion. Not to mention another person of authority who blamed me in front of the entire class for her not adding my email address in the to field in the email she sent the class. Wow! Thanks! I have so much confidence that I needed you to bring me down a few notches.
I am just totally overwhelmed. There is no better way to put it. Perhaps it was dumb of me to plan this trip to montreal next week but I am looking forward to it and I will be presenting a research project at the Pop Montreal Symposium on October 1st! But I have 3 presentations a week after I get back. So I have to start working on those presentations asap, unfortunately I still have no idea what the hell I am doing. So that makes it a little bit harder to start these presentations aka mini class lectures. Geez who was I to think that I could handle grad school? Apparently my undergrad at McGill taught me nothing but how to get away with not doing any work and too bad! That doesn’t cut it in grad school!
Anyways, this basically means that I have no life outside of school anymore. Great! I worked from 11 to 8 today with a few breaks in between for lunch and dinner. At a certain point in the evening i find it pointless to continuing working as my brain cant function anymore. I know that will have to change as well but for now, or for tonight. I work better mid-day.
This also means that moving into our apartment is going to take longer than planned (sorry radical). Because for the next month I am gonna be going crazy with assignments and readings. sigh. my tummy hurts.
finally a day that isn’t so stressful and is actually relaxing, productive and filled with good news! I feel on top of my work (for this week at least) and i found out that my workload will lessen about 5 hours a week. Why you ask? Well I lost one of my jobs. Aww geez. And the stressful one at that! So why is this “good news”? Well you see, the reason i had to give the job up is because……………I WON A $15,000.00 SCHOLARSHIP!! wtf! I originally had been denied it, but put on a alternate list (did not know about that) so when someone could not accept the award it was given to me!!! woowiE!! I am so pumped! That job was totally stressin me out! so know I have 5 extra hours a week where i can focus on my school work instead, therefore making everything way more bearable! WHAT A RELIEF!
many more things to look forward to. Montreal in 2 weeks!! Moving out in like 3 weeks!! Now I can afford to buy a new computer (because I can’t take this nice new family computer with me). sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh! SIGH! the weight of the world has been removed and now i can start looking forward to things again!
this feels like so long ago but it was less than two weeks. now instead of sunning, and lounging and nightswimming and bonfires I am pulling out my hairs, most of which would have been grey anyways. I am beyond tired, thanks grad school! I just want to curl up and watch 90210 -but instead I should do a bit more work tonight. bah! beyond exhausted! I should bite the bullet and go to……. i suppose…….
oh and i got highlighter on my shirt…..
Radical