i’ve just had a super intense day, but good intense. Steve and I hung out all day, talked non-stop. He is super passionate and interesting to talk to. We drank wine on the riverbank and talked, listened to some music, shared some of our own recordings and were super honest. It was a really real experience. We talked about our feelings and our past relationships and began the process of getting to know each other better. I mean what i told myself i wanted the whole time with him was to spend more time with him to get to know him better, and that’s what we are going to do, platonic (apparently that word is derived from Plato and means intimate and affectionate but not sexual–what the perfect word to describe our new relationship!!). I mean my hopes for this situation is that it may over time develop into more but for the mean time a strong basis in friendship is important no matter what is going to happen. Although, I can’t assume that this will for sure lead to something more. I am not in a rush and think that whatever is meant to be will be. He says that he wants right now is for us to be good friends and for him to be able to confide with me and talk openly and honest with me. Man the conversations we had today would scare alot of people away with their intensity and openess but i may me (and i am sure him) way more comfortable about what happened at folk fest and our budding friendship. We have opened a line of communication and trust. It just felt good and i feel really good right now. I hope that he really good sense of me today. I think he is a super sincere person. This is a good start and i really hope the beginning of a good friendship. Being friends is really important to me. *sigh*

after thought: i think this is a new challenge for me. similar to the sam situation however, without us being intimate it will allow us to have clear thinking emotional thoughts.
i caught myself thinking of just wanting to hook up with him even if he didn;t want a relationship now and right now i am thinking how dumb that would be. Yes a strong platonic friendship with him is exactly what i need!!! without ever present hopes of eventually being more!! Friendship. Friendship. Friendship is good…

my heart can’t take it. I am nervous and my tumm aches. I dreamed last night that it didn’t work out, that i was sad. I kept on repeating in my head: hope for the best, but expect the worst. I don’t know if that is very healthy for me. Why should I expect the worst? So i will be pleasantly surprised? or plain ol prepared for when i get let down for the umpteenth time? I don’t want to be let down. WHy can’t I just be excited without the nausea?

So i;ve had a damn good day I’d say! My mum and i went to 2 fringe shows during the day and then Jori and I went to see Steve-formally known as crush # 1-’s play butterfly/bear, which was totally awesome. a little weird to see a love scene between him and someone else, but at the same time not really. It was funny cause the girl turned out to be Erin’s friend Ingrid, who I met at fok fest! Steve’s friend Moe was also there and I talked to him for quite awhile. He’s a super nice guy. Michelle was also there and sat beside me and offered me the job again to which i replied a resounding YES!!!! So after I saw the show I just felt more drawn to steve again. So we waited for him after the show and he was super nice, and apologetic for being out of contact (they basically lost a cast member and had to re-write the play within the last couple of days), and sweet and humble. Jori liked him. So now we are suppose to go on a wine and park date sometime tomorrow. I am filled with anticipation and trepidation of it not happening. I feel like veggie burgers has become a code name for going on a date with me and him, it is a trend I would like to continue with him, instead of asking him out of dates I will ask him out for veggie burgers, it will be cute and endearing on my part.
okay i dont want to stress over this, i want to be excited for a reason! bah1!!!!!!!!

i am now officially drunk by myself at 1 am hahahahaahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaahhaaaaaw!!21;2k1/m;fkbipghn haha

ph erin where are you/

guess what i just did

Should i drink a beer??? I am watching random late night tv waiting for Erin to get off work and watch a movie with me. I wanted to watch the hottie and the nottie but shes not feeling Paris so I said I trusted her decision to which she replied:
it says: ha well docu or retarded
we all know what i replied!
Superbad just started yes!!!!
I want to record some music this week really bad. tomorrow i am fringin it up and going to 3 plays. of which one is crush # 1’s play in which he is acting. Jori and I are checking that out and then going for a beer. Perhaps we will check out the Yellow Dog Tavern that i wanted to go to for a while aka since some hot artists guy said thats where he and his hot artist friends go after work. okay maybe he didn;t call them his “hot artist friends.”
My mum and I went to see Keir Cutler’s Teaching the Fringe. It was funny but it’s sometimes hard to look past all the shittiness of the situation. Basically what happened was that a woman at the winnipeg fringe last year saw his playing teaching as you like it and was horribly offended, thought Cutler was a threat to society and pedophile and reported him to child find manitoba, which at this point he has not been able to find out what they are doing with his name. So basically this play is a reaction to this letter. He actually reads the letter throughout the play. It was very well done. It made me wonder if that woman would be intrigued to come see this new play. I mean if I were her i would totally go check it out. It would totally blow her mind though. Cutler shuts her letter down!!
Anyways think i am gonna find a beer and watch superbad and wait for Erin.
We need some crush talk time. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee more on crush #2 later…….

I need a third crush to distract me from crush number 2’s absence, who initially was distracting me from crush number 1’s absence, but quickly took number 1’s place in my fleeting heart. Now either I need crush number 2’s phone number or a third crush….what will it be….. oh ya friends are needed too!

notice in the pic i am wearing a grad cap